isaw you&her together.

For god's sake . .
i saw things that i didnt want to see again. . .
i shouldn't have type the link to my address space.
im feel really heartbroken now . . .
still . . i have not put things down yet ?
or is it the memory that i cant let go?
i feel so miserable upon seeing you&her together.
seeing those confessions , presents, pictures
everything about you and her,
i feel like . . .
i feel so helpless , i wanted someone to turn to
but its the middle of the night right now ? -.-

ok im like fuck nuts now.
really feel like bursting out.
im speechless , i feel bad , i really feel like crying luh
my heart feels so bad.

i think i will be fine couple days later.
dear blog, please just let me rant at you.
im feeling not good now.

im feeling getting out of the house.
standing at the beach ,
shouting out my unhappiness ,
shouting out my unfulfillment,
shouting out my grievness,
shouting out my unsatisfaction,
shouting out my sadness,
shouting out the unfairness,
shouting out loud that :
there was no chance given to me
to hold on back to you.


i feel so
JERK!
suddenly feel like saying that.
i wonder how i am going to sleep later on . . .
such a f night.

i really do know why people are getting
emo on their blogs nowadays,
when friends are not there , no one to turn to
blogs are the one they could put their
feelings&thoughts onto it,
they really didnt care what other ppl comments were,
most importantly, its what they feel and what
they want to rant about.
blog is the place for people who wanted to put their
happenings , rantings , feelings&thoughts into it.
i really do understand those feelings people had down there.
to some people, they feel its total emoness,
but really , when some bad things happen onto you,
no one to turn to , no one to rant on,
blog may be a better solution to pour out
the unhappiness and feelings.
______________________________________________

it's worst being betrayed than falling out of love ,
cause there would be feelings, memories, love,
you are still holding onto without realisation.
when you made a decision to forget and live on,
knowing damm sure you would not regret &
thelove&feelings will fade away as years goes by . .
perhaps you didnt know the fact actually you cant.

upon realisation , grieveness , sadness,
everything that dont work out for you
will eventually fall back on you.
memories will trickle down into your mind slowly
those memories will be like a flim
going on and on , in your mind,
the pain and misery in my heart would be untold.

thinking back those days&
that night ,
if my answer is :
no , i dont want to.
what would the outcome be?
would it be like yours&hers?
i guess not.
but there wasnt even a chance to prove me wrong,
so much for the grieve , so much for me feeling so miserable.

so much i have felt that,
i really cant put down the yearns&feelings i had for you.

at that time i really naive ,
but i cant be blamed,
im still so young at that time,
those words/promises for you maybe unreal,
but for me,
its absolutely real , true & so much for that
i really wanted to make them happen.
but it turn out wrong in the end.

i really have no choice but to let go of you,
it hurts and had been torturing for the past month
letting go of you would be a better idea i thought,
but now it seems im really caught in the middle as in
im wrong or am i correct?

i tried to forget you,
i thought i succeeded ,
without realisation ,
upon seeing you&her
i knew i did not,

the support you gave her,
words you gave her made me
feel envious & sad.
i hope those were given to me
but i wont do anything to spoil you two.

i know you really do love her.
seeing how long has you relationship last till,
its predictable that your love for her has deepen,
has came true, had came happened
and you will never let it go,
its almost 4 years ,
and i admire your perserverance and devoteness towards her,
seriously im jealous , envious.
but there's nothing much i could do.
all the best to you&her.

well , i feel so much better for ranting at my blog for the night,
seriously hope that i will be deadbeat later on
and climb myself to bed & sleep !

我不想忘记你
我 一定不会
给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是自己
却发现爱一定要有回应.